Omg everybody and I am so sorry for not writing a blog for awhile, but here lately it has been busy on the ol home front with practice's, concert's, and trying to hold peace talks between to fighting States in the country of Lestertonia in which I am the President of or you could called a Dictator, either way my country my rules.
So there has been a war in my country between two States, Madiville and Sarahville. The war started out several years ago as a simple skirmish between the two States, but recently it has been upgraded to a full scale war, as President I had to finally step in with the help of my trusted VP Missy ( Wife). The war between the two States was mostly terrorist attacks on each others bathrooms. Madiville had a bad habit of using Sarahville's bathroom even though she had her own. Sarahville decided enough was enough and decided to stop up Madiville's bathroom toilet as retaliation. Then came the pot shots at each other, then came the talking loudly saying what the other one did hoping to get them in trouble that President Lester would step in and place sanction's on the guilty State.
Now folks being President of a country can be difficult and trying sometimes but with a level head and a calming nature I was able to negotiate truces between the two young and up coming States. What I did to stop this horrible and tragic war was quiet easy. I started out by sitting both States down at the truce tables and simply laid out a peace offering which both agreed on. Here is a rough draft of the peace talks that happened last Friday.
1. Use your own bathroom
2. Do not trash your neighboring States bathroom faculties
3. Do not tell on the other just to get the other State in trouble
4. Learn to work together for you are sister's and you LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, RIGHT, RIGHT. I thought so
5. And finally do not beat each other up.
If any of the peace treaty is broken and charges brought against either State, sanctions or embargo's would be brought against the guilty State or States.
I am proud to say as President peace has returned to our little country, but remember no matter what you do or say I have a secret police division which is headed by, yes you guess it none other than the VP Missy my wife and number one snitch.
I love my kids very very much and being a father to girls especially girls close in age can be very trying, and since I am not a girl and I don't have all those hormones ( thank you Lord ) I have learned to be more patient and caring to their needs as they get older. So girls not only do I need to be patient with you please be patient with me.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My Kids Schools And The Effects They Have On Me
For the Mary Mother of Joseph would someone please explain to me what has happened to common sense in today's world. Both on my kids go to some great schools, both are brand new, both have great teachers. Stop let me rephrase that there are several teachers that are great the rest should have to sit in own their class and listen to themselves. I have had to talk with several of these teachers and I can honestly say WOW common sense was not passed down to them from their parents. You know what I am talking about ms. reading teacher.
OK OK I am getting off track from the course which sometimes I do( oh look a big fluffy kitty) see I told you so. So last month both of my beautiful children one who is in choir and the other in band both made all county so that means extra practices to get ready for there all county choir and band concert. This is how is broke down both have practices on Monday night at 6:00 pm for two hrs. Now they were told regardless of sickness or death you must be at every practice OR You will not be able to be in the concert or be able to try out for the next two yrs. Well I say BULLSHIT! Not only are both their practices the same night but they are close to 15 to 20 miles apart from one another. Madi has practice in Orange Park at a not so safe High School while Sarah has to go the middle of the country to another school. Now here is my problem as a parent which I don't think the schools take in consideration, well hell I know they don't. Missy has to leave her job early and pick both of them up due to she is the closest to them, drop Madi off before six just in order to get Sarah to hers before six so she doesn't get in trouble. Now living in Jacksonville or Orange Park you have to learn how to drive in some of the worst traffic imaginable, just think of Nascar on Steroids, now Florida does not get ice or snow like Arkansas but we get rain and when it rains it pours and there is no such thing as a drainage system here in Jacksonville, so water is standing on every highway and backs road. So our rain is like Arkansas ice and these people down here haul ASS no matter what the weather is doing. Hence wrecks and I mean a lot of wrecks. I guess what I am trying to say here is why don't schools take in consideration of the parents anymore why does practice have to be during a weekday. Hey here is an idea how about on a Saturday morning from 8 to 10 or 9 to 11, that way no one has to rush around rush hour traffic with kids scared to death due to their parents driving and the fact they don't want to get in trouble if their late to practice.
Now some of you might be saying well Danny why don't you help, well I do. I now get off early enough to pick Madi up and run her to her practice and have there at 6 and picked up by 8. I guess my problem is more of opinion, I just don't get it anymore it seems schools now a days are making it harder on the parents than it should be. Or is it I am just used to the way Arkansas schools were, or am I just getting older and did my parents have the same grip.
So till next time remember there our kids and we love them no matter what school activities there in its just pay back for what we put our parents thru LOL.
OK OK I am getting off track from the course which sometimes I do( oh look a big fluffy kitty) see I told you so. So last month both of my beautiful children one who is in choir and the other in band both made all county so that means extra practices to get ready for there all county choir and band concert. This is how is broke down both have practices on Monday night at 6:00 pm for two hrs. Now they were told regardless of sickness or death you must be at every practice OR You will not be able to be in the concert or be able to try out for the next two yrs. Well I say BULLSHIT! Not only are both their practices the same night but they are close to 15 to 20 miles apart from one another. Madi has practice in Orange Park at a not so safe High School while Sarah has to go the middle of the country to another school. Now here is my problem as a parent which I don't think the schools take in consideration, well hell I know they don't. Missy has to leave her job early and pick both of them up due to she is the closest to them, drop Madi off before six just in order to get Sarah to hers before six so she doesn't get in trouble. Now living in Jacksonville or Orange Park you have to learn how to drive in some of the worst traffic imaginable, just think of Nascar on Steroids, now Florida does not get ice or snow like Arkansas but we get rain and when it rains it pours and there is no such thing as a drainage system here in Jacksonville, so water is standing on every highway and backs road. So our rain is like Arkansas ice and these people down here haul ASS no matter what the weather is doing. Hence wrecks and I mean a lot of wrecks. I guess what I am trying to say here is why don't schools take in consideration of the parents anymore why does practice have to be during a weekday. Hey here is an idea how about on a Saturday morning from 8 to 10 or 9 to 11, that way no one has to rush around rush hour traffic with kids scared to death due to their parents driving and the fact they don't want to get in trouble if their late to practice.
Now some of you might be saying well Danny why don't you help, well I do. I now get off early enough to pick Madi up and run her to her practice and have there at 6 and picked up by 8. I guess my problem is more of opinion, I just don't get it anymore it seems schools now a days are making it harder on the parents than it should be. Or is it I am just used to the way Arkansas schools were, or am I just getting older and did my parents have the same grip.
So till next time remember there our kids and we love them no matter what school activities there in its just pay back for what we put our parents thru LOL.
Friday, January 21, 2011
My Wife The 900 Operator
Here we are again folks another day in the life of the Lester family in sunny, Fl. So for the men reading this you will know where I am coming from. For the women reading this you might just get some ideas, better yet try this on your husband's or boys friends.
The other night we decided to go out and celebrate one of my lovely and beautiful wife many accomplishments as the new CEO of her new company she is working for. Now sometimes my wife depends on me to give her some ideas or suggestions on how to do things. So the other night while eating wings and drinking several pitchers of beer at our local watering hole ( Gators). Which I want everyone to know we had a DD in our lovely 16 yro daughter, thank you Madi. Missy was telling me about an interview she had coming up with a possible new employee. I asked her if it was a man or a woman. She answered a man who she said could bring a lot to the company as an employee. Now this is where it gets tricky, jokingly I said you need to hire some women with sweet voices so when drivers call in they hear sweetness not the rough voice of a man.
Now everybody knows when you date your love life is awesome, and everybody knows when you get married it kinda slowly decreases. Because we all know with marriage comes more responsibility, bills, jobs, kids, and sometimes more kids (unless you are the Duggards then you act like rabbits). So with marriage and the responsibilities comes the excuses such as, I'm tired, I have a headache, its that time of the month, the kids will hear, I don't feel pretty, and my favorite I haven't had a shower. So Missy looks at me as serious as she can and says " Do you think I have a sweet voice" and I responded by saying " Yes I do" so she turns to me and says " What would you think if I wanted to start one of those sex 900 services". Now I know she was joking so I knew my next response I would not get in trouble, so I looked at her and said " Sweetie you have a beautiful voice and a sexy voice but who wants to call a 900 sex hotline and get turned down on a phone when they can get turned down in person. Now if you wanted to start a 900 sex hotline for losers who wanted to think they were married or in a relationship and wanted to know what it felt like to be turned down that would be an awesome idea". Needless to say I was wrong I did get in trouble.
So in closing men remember even when your wife or girlfriend is joking and you answer her with what you think is a funny and well thought out answer 6 out of 10 times you will be wrong. For the women reading this please go home and ask the same question Missy asked me and see what your response you get, just remember he is a man and sometimes men dont think.
The other night we decided to go out and celebrate one of my lovely and beautiful wife many accomplishments as the new CEO of her new company she is working for. Now sometimes my wife depends on me to give her some ideas or suggestions on how to do things. So the other night while eating wings and drinking several pitchers of beer at our local watering hole ( Gators). Which I want everyone to know we had a DD in our lovely 16 yro daughter, thank you Madi. Missy was telling me about an interview she had coming up with a possible new employee. I asked her if it was a man or a woman. She answered a man who she said could bring a lot to the company as an employee. Now this is where it gets tricky, jokingly I said you need to hire some women with sweet voices so when drivers call in they hear sweetness not the rough voice of a man.
Now everybody knows when you date your love life is awesome, and everybody knows when you get married it kinda slowly decreases. Because we all know with marriage comes more responsibility, bills, jobs, kids, and sometimes more kids (unless you are the Duggards then you act like rabbits). So with marriage and the responsibilities comes the excuses such as, I'm tired, I have a headache, its that time of the month, the kids will hear, I don't feel pretty, and my favorite I haven't had a shower. So Missy looks at me as serious as she can and says " Do you think I have a sweet voice" and I responded by saying " Yes I do" so she turns to me and says " What would you think if I wanted to start one of those sex 900 services". Now I know she was joking so I knew my next response I would not get in trouble, so I looked at her and said " Sweetie you have a beautiful voice and a sexy voice but who wants to call a 900 sex hotline and get turned down on a phone when they can get turned down in person. Now if you wanted to start a 900 sex hotline for losers who wanted to think they were married or in a relationship and wanted to know what it felt like to be turned down that would be an awesome idea". Needless to say I was wrong I did get in trouble.
So in closing men remember even when your wife or girlfriend is joking and you answer her with what you think is a funny and well thought out answer 6 out of 10 times you will be wrong. For the women reading this please go home and ask the same question Missy asked me and see what your response you get, just remember he is a man and sometimes men dont think.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Kids Honestly Do Say The Darnedest Things
So this last Saturday night I had to cook for a dinner party for about eight people and four of those people were kids, two counting mine. Well in my house due to everybody is always busy sometimes things or rooms don't get cleaned like they should. Now the main rooms of the house are always clean along with my man cave (sometimes) but sometimes our master bedroom could use a cleaning ( Missy clothes laying around, my clothes laying around) plus we have our dog cage in our room. Now that night our room was trashed and people I mean it was trashed. Apparently our dogs do not like toilet paper and feel that toilet paper and can be dangerous to their human owners. My dogs sometime during the day attacked several rolls of toilet paper and shredded them into millions of pieces. Now my dogs were probably very proud that they killed that horrible, horrible toilet paper, but I wasn't very proud.
Around 730 our guest showed up one couple had two girls one was eleven and the youngest was an adorable seven. Now the kids were having a blast playing with our two dogs but as dinner got closer to being done I told Missy to put up our dogs, now mind you folks our bedroom is by the kitchen and everybody was standing around the kitchen. So as Missy was opening the bedroom door and telling our dogs to go home the youngest girl says to Missy " Why you telling them to go home" Missy replies " Well that what we tell our dogs so they know to go to their cage" as Missy is telling this to her the little girl is looking into our bedroom. The next thing that came out of this little adorable, bright, honest child was " Mommy she is putting those dogs in a very dirty room with toilet paper all over the floor." What could I say to the little girl but" That's the dogs room and I told them to clean before you came over, I guess they didn't.
So always remember folks little kids are AND will always be the most honest of any person you meet. Until next time enjoy life like there is no tomorrow.
Around 730 our guest showed up one couple had two girls one was eleven and the youngest was an adorable seven. Now the kids were having a blast playing with our two dogs but as dinner got closer to being done I told Missy to put up our dogs, now mind you folks our bedroom is by the kitchen and everybody was standing around the kitchen. So as Missy was opening the bedroom door and telling our dogs to go home the youngest girl says to Missy " Why you telling them to go home" Missy replies " Well that what we tell our dogs so they know to go to their cage" as Missy is telling this to her the little girl is looking into our bedroom. The next thing that came out of this little adorable, bright, honest child was " Mommy she is putting those dogs in a very dirty room with toilet paper all over the floor." What could I say to the little girl but" That's the dogs room and I told them to clean before you came over, I guess they didn't.
So always remember folks little kids are AND will always be the most honest of any person you meet. Until next time enjoy life like there is no tomorrow.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Hats I Wear
I am so sorry for not writing yesterday, but i have been busy getting my new lot up and going and helping Missy with her new adventure, which everyone will find out in time. We have to kinda keep it a secret due to her just leaving a major corporation.
So you are probably wondering about my title. Well I woke up this morning after a good night sleep with my beautiful wife lying next to me sawing logs like a Madison County sawmill, and as I was getting ready like I do every morning you know the shower, shave in the shower, brush my teeth in the shower, and finally finding a pair of clean underwear and getting dressed( I do believe my dogs hide my underwear or we have underwear gnomes). Well the last thing I always do before I walk out the door is put on my lucky Alabama Hat and as I did I started to think about all the other hats I wear everyday that people cant see me wearing. For example today I am wearing my Salesman hat, my Chef hat for later when I cook dinner for a dinner party. But there are some hats I never take off, like my Father hat, my Husband hat, my Son hat, my Brother hat, my Friend hat.
So sometime today sit down and think to yourself and count how many different hats you wear on a daily basis and how many times a day you change your hat. You might be very surprised of the hats you wear. In closing I will give you some more hats that I wear. Plumber, Vet, Doctor, Maid, Motivation, Handy Man, Chauffeur, Teacher, Counselor, Referee. Like I said just take a look at all the hats you wear.
So you are probably wondering about my title. Well I woke up this morning after a good night sleep with my beautiful wife lying next to me sawing logs like a Madison County sawmill, and as I was getting ready like I do every morning you know the shower, shave in the shower, brush my teeth in the shower, and finally finding a pair of clean underwear and getting dressed( I do believe my dogs hide my underwear or we have underwear gnomes). Well the last thing I always do before I walk out the door is put on my lucky Alabama Hat and as I did I started to think about all the other hats I wear everyday that people cant see me wearing. For example today I am wearing my Salesman hat, my Chef hat for later when I cook dinner for a dinner party. But there are some hats I never take off, like my Father hat, my Husband hat, my Son hat, my Brother hat, my Friend hat.
So sometime today sit down and think to yourself and count how many different hats you wear on a daily basis and how many times a day you change your hat. You might be very surprised of the hats you wear. In closing I will give you some more hats that I wear. Plumber, Vet, Doctor, Maid, Motivation, Handy Man, Chauffeur, Teacher, Counselor, Referee. Like I said just take a look at all the hats you wear.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Should've Been
You know I woke up this morning realizing I was one day closer to being forty yrs old, then I look into the mirror and saw all this body hair all over me and thought OMG I really am getting old I am growing body hair overnight. Once I put my contacts in and brush off my chest I then realized I was just cover in our dogs hair (note: great danes shed alot of hair). Wooooooo that was close I thought I wasn't ready to have body hair all over yet. But it got me thinking was I ready to be forty, was I ready to give into the forties. Now let me explain something to you yall reading this. I just had a Dr. tell me that I needed to keep a record of my blood pressure due to it was dangerously high, next I have two bad knees and bad ankles and when I move sometimes my body makes alot of noises to the point the dogs think there is someone at the door and start barking. I mean I knew I was getting older, but I was starting to do and say things my parents did when I was young and they were younger. So I told myself while I was getting ready for work this morning, that today was going to be a new day and new begining. I was not going to feel old any more and I was going to be young again in heart and mind ( cant really do much about the body, its beat up pretty bad). I have a hot younger wife that I love and cherish and great kids who may one day be the death of me ( Madi driving) but all is great.
I truly believe that someone can be young at heart and as they get older still have the time of their life. So with that being said I am going back to 1999. I hope everybody has a wonderful and beautiful day, and remember you only live once so make the best of it while you can.
I truly believe that someone can be young at heart and as they get older still have the time of their life. So with that being said I am going back to 1999. I hope everybody has a wonderful and beautiful day, and remember you only live once so make the best of it while you can.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The first blog of great things to come!
Well I decided today to give this blog thing a try again. The last one I started just didnt quite take off, but this one is going to be a blast, hell just look at the at the title " A Family Who Farts Together Stays Together".
Now tell me can you beat a title like that. But serious folk's this blog is going to have it all from comedy to action, adventure and even alittle drama, but more comedy than anything.
So please take the time each day to catch up on the ole Lester family and their daily adventures in the BIG CITY.
Now tell me can you beat a title like that. But serious folk's this blog is going to have it all from comedy to action, adventure and even alittle drama, but more comedy than anything.
So please take the time each day to catch up on the ole Lester family and their daily adventures in the BIG CITY.
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